Ode to da boat

A poem by Gargrim

*Gargrim clears his throat. Then, deep, terrifying noises emerge from his mouth. This, for those blessed enough not to have faced this horror
before, is what Trolls call "singing".*

(If you need some help with Gargrim's dialect, please consult the Cimmerii's page describing Trolltok.)

"Me dies in Mobigwatr
Is no time for lafter
Me bashes birdies good
But mobig bird tinks me food

Is hit me bing bang bong
Is sound like a song
Is bash me bif bof baf
Me nahappy but birds laf

So now me stands on rok
Guards of Fripport my way block
Me is hungry n tirsty
N naked for all to see

Me waits for boat, is no comes
Me really hungry but cant find no buns
Me stands on wet roks
N just scratches my buttocks

Me is tirsty, but water's salty
Me is hungry, but fish are slip'ry
Me is naked, n no one loves me
Me just wants go home with body

Is takes forever for boat to come
Me comes trou tunnel shown by a bum
As time passes me starts to lose hope
But can't kill myself cuz aint got no rope

Finly me hears shout says "boat"
Me turns n sees it on sea it float
Quick like a fish, me swims to da dock
Climbs on stairs n face guard who not want to talk

"Die dog!" he tells me
Bing bang bong he punch me
"Me kills you", he says, "n feel my fury"
Slish slosh slash he slash me

Guard Hirazen, me so much hates you
Me runs up to boat n fades from your view
Once on boat me turns n spits right on you
One day me kills you, biliv me it's true

So me is on boat and is sail to sea
Wind sings in ears n birds fly near me
At last me gets hope of seeing body
Me is on boat, is nothing stops me!

But den sumthin happens, is big trajedy
Me appears on da docks, next to nagud lady
Bif baf bof she sure not likes me
Bing bang bong she bitts krap awtof me

"Welcome to Fripport", says voice in my head
Is no doubt 'bout it, me's utterly dead
Me waits for boat again, is gonna be long
While me sits on rok might as well rite a song."

*Gargrim bows before the wildly cheering crowd. Or are they attempting to flee?*

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