Everquest humor

This humor section will attempt to make you rofl, or at least to make you lol. It doesn't feature a lot yet, so I hope to get some good material and feedback from you guys!

Famous last words

Some famous last words uttered by Everquest characters before their untimely demise. I'm sure most of you can relate.

Funny quotes

Grizben: "That'll teach him to mess with scantily clad teenage female half-elves."

Didthat: "Show me the way to the boulder canyon plz."
Grumli: "I don't know the way there, but I can give you a random direction if you want."

"We are the Barbarians who say.... NI !"

"Moss snake headed for first inn !"

Malok: "La meditation a bien meilleur gout."

Gargrim: "Watchoo want? Want piece of me?"

Alruna: "I am the Center girl"

Didthat: "So can u guys help me?"
Grizben: "Normally I would, but since you did that, I won't."
Didthat: "What did I do?"
Grizben: "That."

"np. May Tunare bless u all, dudes"

Morley: "I'm on fire."


NPC Actors

I realized something a while back. Player characters are really fortunate that the NPCs of Norrath are so open with their emotions, or such poor actors. Imagine the following scenario:
A Snow Orc Mountaineer smiles at you warmly. What would you like your tombstone to say?
You say: "Hail a Snow Orc Mountaineer. How's it going?"
A Snow Orc Mountaineer slashes YOU for 22 points of damage!
A Snow Orc Mountaineer slashes YOU for 19 points of damage!
A Snow Orc Mountaineer bashes YOU for 7 points of damage!
You are stunned!
A Snow Orc Mountaineer slashes YOU for 17 points of damage!
A Snow Orc Mountaineer slashes YOU for 21 points of damage!
You have been slain by a Snow Orc Mountaineer.
A Snow Orc Mountaineer says: "He he... Sucker!!"

The One Ring

I wrote this a while back to make fun of people who really can't or don't want to roleplay. Imagine a scene from Lord of the Rings played by some Everquest characters. Gandalf tries to convince Frodo that the One Ring is evil, and must be destroyed.

Gandalf says: 'dude you gotta get rid of The One Ring.'
Frodo says: 'why its so kewl it gives me so many bonuses and invisiblity and stuff'
Gimlee says out of character: 'lvl 15 tank looking for group to go to Moria'
Gandalf says: 'cuz its evil dude. u gotta throw it in the Mountain of Destiny.'
Gollum shouts: 'whats the coords to rivendell entrance'
Frodo says: 'shit. hey wait a mn can i give it 2 u'
Gandalf says: 'nope i cant use it cuz its evil and its gonna make me evil to'
Elrond shouts: 'pos1142 neg2705'
Frodo says: 'crap this sux'
Gandalf says: 'hehe'
Gollum shouts: 'thanx'
Gandalf says: 'so u gonna get rid of it?'
Frodo says: 'yeah'
Boromir shouts: 'Has any1 seen my corpse? just got killd by a train of orcs'
Frodo auctions: 'selling The One Ring for 10 plat. gimme a tell.'

Galadriel shows Frodo and Sam her mirror that can make them see what is happening in RL while they are questing for the One Ring.

Sam looks at Galadriel's mirror.
Sam says "holy crap my dads struggling to take out the garbage. and i forgot to mow the lawn. shit i should go do that"
Galadriel says "and leave mister Frodo alone in his quest to destroy the One Ring? u would abandon him to go back to ur home"
Sam says "u r right. i cant do that. im sorry mister frodo"
Frodo says "np"
Galadriel says "c'mon frodo look in the water to"
Frodo looks at Galadriel's mirror.
Frodo says "i see a man... its gandalf... nah it must be saruman... hmmm"
Frodo reaches to touch the water.
Galadriel says "dont touch the water u moron !!!!!!!!!"
Frodo stops.
Galadriel cries over Frodo.
Galadriel says "their looking for u. they want the ring"
Frodo says "hey i can give u the One Ring."
Galadriel rolls on the floor laughing at Frodo.
Galadriel says "LOL yeah and its gonna make me more beautiful than the night and day"
Sam says "hehe"
Galadriel says "and all the men wil desire me and will kill each other to have me"
Galadriel says "nah i'll move to the west and become smaller"
Galadriel says "i'll probably start another char"
Frodo says "k"

Gandalf visits Saruman to warn him of the dangers of the Ring. But
things take a turn for the worst when Saruman reveals his plans.

Gandalf says "what do u mean u want the ring? we've got 2 destroy it"
Saruman says "no im gonna get it and keep it 2 myself. or allow sauron 2 get it"
Gandalf says "r u saying u would give the ring 2 the lord of darkness???? im not gonna let u do that"
Saruman says "then hes gonna know who r his friends and who r his ennemies"
Gandalf says "dude u cant do that it sux"
Saruman says "watch me"
Saruman begins to cast a spell.
Gandalf's feet adhere to the ground.
Saruman says "U R going to stay HERE!!!"
Gandalf says "WTF??????"
Gandalf says "lemme go motherfucker!!"
Saruman says "lol"
Gandalf says "LEMME GO U FAG !!!!!
Saruman says "rofl"
Gandalf shouts "LEMME GO SARUMAN U BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!"

Time is Mana

(A Cleric's Evening)

Welcome to Norrath!
You have entered North Freeport.
/guildsay Hi guys!
Morlak tells the guild, 'Hey Alruna, come hunt with us in Najena.'
/guildsay Sure!
(Waste 7 minutes conjuring weapon, food and water, then meditating to recover mana)
You have entered West Freeport. (runs for 3 minutes)
You have entered East Commons. (runs for 4 minutes)
You have entered Nektulos Forest. (runs for 8 minutes)
(Waste 2 minutes fighting a Stone Guardian.)
(Waste 4 minutes meditating to regain mana lost by fighting stone guardian)
Morlak tells you "Are you coming??"
/tell morlak Yes, I'm on my way.
You have entered Lavastorm Mountains. (runs for 1 minute)
Superguy says, 'd00d plz can u heal me??? im dynig!!!"
(Waste 3 minutes healing Superguy and meditating to regain mana)
(run for 1 more minute)
You have entered Najena.
[26 Wizard] Magikkmann (Erudite) <D00dz of Norrath>
[17 Druid] Someguy (Half-Elf)
[ANONYMOUS] Razaoth <Defenders of Virtue>
[25 Rogue] Morlak (Half-Elf) <Council of Light>
[ANONYMOUS] Someotherguy <Innocent Bystanders>
[22 Ranger] Cutie (Wood Elf)
[24 Shadow Knight] Scratchybottom (Ogre) <Defenders of Virtue>
[15 Paladin] Sirwhatever (Human)
[47 Enchanter] Gozanzo (Gnome) <The Superior Arcane Gathering of Sorcery's Masters>
[24 Cleric] Alruna (High Elf) <Council of Light>
There are 10 players in Najena.
/tell morlak Where are you guys?
Morlak tells you "Hold on, we're coming to get you at the entrance."
(Waste 5 minutes to wait for them to come get me)
Morlak says "Sheesh, we're really wounded, can you heal us please?"
(Waste 7 minutes healing everyone and meditating to get back mana)
/groupsay Who needs buffs?
Morlak tells the group "Me!"
Cutie tells the group "Me!"
Razaoth tells the group "Me!"
Scratchybottom tells the group "Me!"
Magikkmann tells the group "Me!"
(Spend 7 minutes buffing everyone and meditating to get back mana)
(My buffs run out.)
(Spend 1 minute buffing myself and meditating to regain mana)
/groupsay OK, let's go.
(Go to good camping place, on the way: waste time fighting green monsters that attack us but don't give any experience.)
(Waste 5 minutes healing everyone because even green monsters hurt us, and meditating to get back mana)
(Do one good fight against blue/white/yellow monsters.)
(Spend 7 minutes healing and meditating.)
(Look at watch in real life, realize it's already time for bed.)
/groupsay Oh shoot guys, it's really late, gotta go!!
Morlak tells the group "Already??"
Cutie cries over Alruna.
Razaoth tells the group "Fare thee well, Daughter of Light!"
Scratchybottom tells the group "later allurna"
Magikkmann tells the group "cya biiiiatch"
(Make way out of dungeon, getting attacked by stupid green monsters that don't give exp.)
You have entered Lavastorm Mountains.
(Waste 5 minutes meditating to regain mana, so I don't start the next game drained of mana).
It will take you approximately 30 seconds to camp.
Superguy says, 'd00d can u heal me again plz?'
It will take you approximately 25 more seconds to camp.
It will take you approximately 20 more seconds to camp.
It will take you approximately 15 more seconds to camp.
Superguy says, 'WTF CANT U HEAR ME ?  I NEED HEAL NOW !!!!!!!1"
It will take you approximately 10 more seconds to camp.
It will take you approximately 5 more seconds to camp.

Ode to da boat - a poem written by Gargrim, the Trollish Bard.

Stoopid everquest names

Every now and then, I am wandering the world of Norrath, minding my own business of slaying orcs, retreiving lost artefacts for my Guildmasters and helping out newbies, when all of a sudden I find myself in front of a fellow adventurer. Only the magic of the moment is broken because over this bold adventurer's handsome head is a really non-fantasy-like name.

Well, this list was actually quite funny but it is no more. Why? Well, because some people took offense in the fact that I displayed their names here and made fun of them. I actually received some threats while playing the game. Seems I really hurt some people's feelings. Even though I dislike those people, I don't want to hurt them. I want them to enjoy the game also. So I removed this list. I am letting them go about their business in peace.

So there you go. The stoopid name compendium is gone. Now it's up to each and every one of you to wander the world of Norrath and find some stoopidly named characters of your own!

And people, remember this: we all have one major point in common. We love this game! So play it to the fullest. Have fun. Have fun by playing it your way. And if the guy next to you plays it in a way that you don't like, ignore him and go find someone that you will get along with. There are so many different kinds of people on each server that we can all have a great time just the way we want to.

Last updated 99-12-12

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